Boundaries

So I got to the point last Sunday night that I needed to talk with someone who I know would give me sound spiritual advice. Thank you TR & JR. I do have good friends in the church, even if not particularly close ones.


They took my story from where it is at this point and got a feel for where I am headed - the paths before me. They even asked questions about my own feelings right now, including if I was even thinking about divorce. I acknowledged that I had thought many times how much easier it would be to be alone rather than to have to deal with the control, manipulation, lack of respect, and verbal abuse that just seems to be worsening. They validated my feelings - something that hasn't been done in my marriage in many years.

Toward the end of our conversation, T asked me what did I take from our time together. These are some of the things I have to think about:

* Boundaries
- I need to set mine WAY lower. I have an extremely high boiling point. In fact, I don't believe I have ever yelled at him. I need to drop this point down considerably, and just GET MAD!
- I need to be much less tolerant and passive. I mustn't be a "dodger", an "egg-shell walker". I don't always have to smooth things over. It's ok to not let the shenanigans fly!
- Insults and control for the sake of control are NOT OK!
- I need to find my voice and use it - to know myself, know what I need to stand up for.

* Spiritually
- I need to feed and nurture myself spiritually, so that I can feed and nurture others, including my marriage. Jesus, as a servant, took care of himself spiritually first and foremost - he spent time with the Father constantly.

* Children
- I need to watch out for the example I am setting for them. I have been concerned for quite a while about the way Aidan is beginning to treat me. Finding my voice and being less tolerant will help in this respect. But I also need to watch out for Morgan. I don't want her to learn to be as passive as I am. She still has fire in her, and I don't want that to be squelched. I need to encourage her to have her own voice as well.

* Who's fighting for ME?
- God is MY valiant warrior - He will protect ME and rebuke those who are mistreating ME! Even if it IS my own husband.

* This Burden
- I do not need to, nor can I possibly, carry this unknown weight by myself ANYMORE. I need to be met halfway, physically, spiritually, and emotionally.