Change is Happening

For a couple of years now, I've felt that God has big plans in store for me, that He's moving in me. But up until now, He had me in a time of latency. I knew He was working, but I had no motivation to study His Word, and I have not been consistent with prayer. I've been going through the motions, but my heart hasn't been in it.

But the fire has now been lit.

This weekend, I just have had the most awesome feeling of joy. I can't explain it at all, especially in light of what happened Friday afternoon concerning a student and his parent. Maybe that situation was a part of it, though.

I almost left work in tears, when I felt I wasn't receiving any support from my administration. It bothered me considerably. But I prayed in the car on the way home, and made a conscious effort to let go and give it to God, and keep my mind elsewhere for the rest of the evening. Of course, my mind kept wandering back, but each time, I found something to occupy myself. When I woke up Saturday morning, I felt a little better, but still flashed back as I was getting ready for the Emmaus meeting. Again, I told myself to let go. And I went to my Emmaus meeting.

Teresa W. gave the devotional, about onions (more on it if she emails it to me). It touched me so much - God was speaking directly to me about letting go of my fear and anger about the situation and the future He has for me! I absolutely felt the presence of the Holy Spirit there in the chapel, stronger than I've ever felt before. When Barbara unveiled the bread, she showed us the wrinkles in the bread, which were delicately and lovingly shaped in the form of a cross, through no purpose of the earthly breadmaker. It was truly gorgeous. And when she broke the bread, it broke right along the cross, just as Jesus' body was broken for us.

Amazing.

As I partook of the bread dipped in "blood," it seemed to expand to fill my whole mouth. I was moved to tears. I'd never had this happen to me before.

We left chapel, and His presence followed us down to New Fellowship Hall, where I was offered the amazing opportunity to grow closer to Eileen through her talk. I am brought to tears when I think of the amazing women the Lord has put in my life, to support me and to guide me. I have women like this in my home life, my church life, and even my work life.

I am so blessed.

The feeling of the Holy Spirit coming over me carried over to this morning. Being the first Sunday of the month, it was communion Sunday. Any other Sunday, I would have just taken the bread and walked back to my seat to watch everyone else taking communion. Today, even before I went down to receive the elements, I knew I needed to spend some time at the altar. Today, my self-consciousness, which usually tells me things like "people will be wondering what you did that you need to confess," was gone. I went directly to the kneeling rail, and asked the Lord to open my heart to the things I know He has in store for me. To quell my fears about what's on the horizon. To allow me to recognize the changes He is making in me. As I prayed, I again was deeply aware of the bread I held in my mouth. The more I moved it around in my mouth, the more I felt filled with the Holy Spirit. I'd like to say that Satan was nowhere near at that point, but He was still at work, trying to sneak in the self-conscious card. But it wasn't working! And then, my truly beautiful daughter knelt down beside me. Did I mention the wonderful ladies (and young women!) He has put in my life?! I continued to pray along with the awesome music (thank you, Mr. Gutman!), finished with a wonderful feeling, and went back to my seat with Morgan by my side.

After church, the kids in the Children's Musical, along with their families, were invited to the "Cast Party", held at Tawawa Park. It was a wonderful time spent with wonderful parents of wonderful children.

Even the weather was wonderful.

After stopping at the grocery, I


I will continue the above story in just a minute. I need to tell what just happened. I was sitting in Aidan's room as he drifted off to sleep, as I do fairly often. My laptop warned me that I had only a few minutes of battery left, so I left to go plug the computer back in. I set it down on my "desk" and went to the bathroom. When I came back, I sat down and started typing again, forgetting to actually plug it in. In the middle of the above sentence, it died. Now, I thought that this post (or at least most of it) would be ok because it is set to autosave. But every single other time it has died, I've lost everything I had open in Firefox - all tabs, everything, so I expected that I would have to re-open Firefox, and login to Blogger again, etc. As I was waiting for the laptop to boot up, God sent the words "You're never alone, Jesus is with you; Don't be afraid, Jesus is with you." in the music I was listening to. And what do you think I saw when my computer finished booting? Firefox was open with everything intact, and there's my post, exactly as I left it! I didn't lose ANYTHING! The tears are not just sneaking out now, they're flowing!

And back to my original story ...

After stopping at the grocery, I came home and put everything away, then sat down at the computer (what's new?). I decided I wanted to look for some of the music that was played at the meeting yesterday, specifically the song that Teresa played at the end of her devotion - "Bloom Where You Are Planted," by Rodican Rose. I found it with ease, and before I purchased the single, I thought I'd listen to the samples of the other songs on the same album. I was blown away by each and every one - I knew I needed the whole album, so I went ahead and purchased it (I don't purchase much through iTunes, so you know it's pretty special when I have to buy the whole album!). Am I ever glad I did! This music will be with me for a long time.

I took my iPod with me as I took the kids to church early for the musical. I wanted to use the time between when they had to be there and when the musical started as a quiet time. Well, Missie and her mom were already there, and I didn't want to be anti-social, so I sat in the pew behind them. We talked for a little while, but when a lull came, I took the chance to delve into some quiet time with Him. I turned on my iPod to this new album ("Listen to the Quiet"), and closed my eyes and bowed my head. With all of the parents and grandparents trickling in, my self-conscious still never got the best of me. Oh, Satan still distracted me here and there, but my time with God won out. I had the most awesome 45 minutes of quiet listening to Him, right there in the middle of the noisy conversation of the other parents, and I didn't care if anyone was looking at me, sitting there with my eyes closed, head bowed, and earphone cord hanging down!

This is huge for me.

The musical started, and I was surprised by my lovely young lady. She didn't tell me she had a substantial part in the play, including a solo (I thought she was just helping out with the little ones, as she usually does)! She sang a beautiful song, and I got lots of gorgeous pictures, made even better because she and Aidan stood right next to each other throughout the play! She told me afterwards that I always know what she's going to sing or play for every concert because she has to practice at home. She wanted to surprise me this time, so she practiced every day before I got home from work. I just love her!

And to top it all off, several of the families involved in the play (including the wonderful Eileen and Kathi) went to Culver's for dinner/dessert afterwards. It was a wonderful way to finish off a wonderful day - with those I love!

Well, I thought the day was finished, until the computer thing!

I still have butterflies of excitement in my stomach. I wonder if I'll be able to get to sleep tonight ...