The past year has been very tough on our family. I have had a very difficult time lately relating to Bob. For five weeks he wouldn't speak to me at all, and the rest of the time he will only talk about necessary things, such as those relating to the kids. He has been very withdrawn, and when he does talk to me, it's with animosity in his heart and voice. Something big is wrong - I just wish he would tell me what it is so we can work it out together.
The first I noticed it was Sept. 19, the day I bought my new car. But I now realize that things were going downhill long before that.
I believe it started about a year ago, when Eva (my step-mom) passed away. Eva was a wonderful lady. She loved everyone, never hurt anyone, and was looking forward to the day Dad would retire so they could be together more. But in July 2008, she was diagnosed with a glioblastoma, and passed away 3 weeks later on ber 59th birthday. Soon after that, Bob refused to go to church with us for several weeks. Finally one night I got him to tell me that he couldn't understand why God would take someone so young and innocent in such a horrible way. I told him that her work here on Earth for him was finished, and that we don't always understand the why, but we have to trust that it is part of His plan. He seemed to accept this explanation, and began attending church again.
He and Morgan were signed up to go to Haiti in January again, but there were many things that went on during the pre-trip planning and in the interactions of the participants during the trip that he did not agree with. When he would not join the group for Sunday brunch at BW3's the week they returned, we all chalked it up to his extreme introvertedness. I now believe that he was totally turned off by the trip.
Later in the spring, the leader of the Haiti trip stepped down from a visible position in the church due to marital problems, and again I think Bob could not understand why God would let something like this happen, even though it was man's free will that caused this situation.
About the same time, the economy was deteriorating, and Crown began several rounds of layoffs. Bob was very concerned for the future of his job for most of the summer. Luckily his job was spared, but he did end up taking a couple of pay cuts.
The night before I left for my missions trip to Mexico, we were arguing about something - I don't even remember now what it was. Now Bob has never lifted a hand toward me, or called me a name. In fact, neither one of us has ever uttered a cuss word at all! But that night he said, "Screw you, Kendra!" This flabbergasted me, and hurt me very deeply.
Later that month, our wonderful pastor, whom Bob respected very much, received a promotion, and was replaced. When he left, Bob again stopped going to church.
At the end of August, Bob called me from work and said I said should start looking for a car to replace the Concorde, because he felt his job was safe now. So I began researching different cars, and we chose some to test drive over Labor Day weekend. After several test drives, we decided we wanted to take a look at the Honda again, but the dealership had closed by then, and would not reopen the rest of the holiday weekend. So Bob told me to go down on Tuesday after school and work out the deal, and when the numbers looked good, to call him to come down and finalize everything. I felt he wanted me to do all the work as far as the negotiating went, but I am not a fighter at all. I couldn't get the salesman to haggle at all, so I came home and asked for his help. He refused, saying he was done with the process. After two weeks of trying to work something out, I met a friend at a football game who said he loved dealing with car salesman, and he agreed to go with me to help me get a good deal. So the next weekend, we went together, and he did indeed help me get the car at a good price. Since the offer was under dealer invoice, and Bob wasn't interested in the process anymore, I went ahead and purchased the car without calling him first. This set off the five weeks of silent treatment.
Finally one Friday night, I was laying in bed watching tv, when he came in and laid down with his back to me as usual. He laid there for a few minutes, then all of a sudden turned over to me and said, "five weeks is long enough." After we talked about the reason for the silent treatment (which was that I didn't call him with "the numbers" before signing the papers for the car), I tried to get him to talk to me more about why he wasn't going to church anymore. The only answer he gave me was that it didn't have anything to do with me.
I let it go for the time being. The following Friday morning, we were both getting ready for work at our double sink, and he began pushing me out of the way, playing around like a 13-year-old. I asked him to stop, explaining I didn't have much time to get ready before I had to leave to take Morgan to school. He then asked me, "Would you rather I do that or not speak to you for five weeks?" Jokingly, I put my finger up to my cheek and said, "Hmmm..." and he said, "You've just made your choice," and started the silent treatment again.
This man and our marriage are in need of some serious prayer. I am praying for the condition of his heart. His relationship with Christ is especially strained right now, and his heart is hurting because of it. I am praying for healing, understanding, and faith during this time of uncertainty for him. I am praying for his attitude toward God, himself, and his family. I am praying for a renewed respect for his wife, and for love to re-enter his heart. I am praying for a maturity in his communication skills. I am praying that he would learn a more productive way to make his thoughts and feelings known. And finally, if there is any way at all the Lord can use me to help the situation, I am praying that He will.
