It's been a tough year

The past year has been very tough on our family. I have had a very difficult time lately relating to Bob. For five weeks he wouldn't speak to me at all, and the rest of the time he will only talk about necessary things, such as those relating to the kids. He has been very withdrawn, and when he does talk to me, it's with animosity in his heart and voice. Something big is wrong - I just wish he would tell me what it is so we can work it out together.

The first I noticed it was Sept. 19, the day I bought my new car. But I now realize that things were going downhill long before that.

I believe it started about a year ago, when Eva (my step-mom) passed away. Eva was a wonderful lady. She loved everyone, never hurt anyone, and was looking forward to the day Dad would retire so they could be together more. But in July 2008, she was diagnosed with a glioblastoma, and passed away 3 weeks later on ber 59th birthday. Soon after that, Bob refused to go to church with us for several weeks. Finally one night I got him to tell me that he couldn't understand why God would take someone so young and innocent in such a horrible way. I told him that her work here on Earth for him was finished, and that we don't always understand the why, but we have to trust that it is part of His plan. He seemed to accept this explanation, and began attending church again.

He and Morgan were signed up to go to Haiti in January again, but there were many things that went on during the pre-trip planning and in the interactions of the participants during the trip that he did not agree with. When he would not join the group for Sunday brunch at BW3's the week they returned, we all chalked it up to his extreme introvertedness. I now believe that he was totally turned off by the trip.

Later in the spring, the leader of the Haiti trip stepped down from a visible position in the church due to marital problems, and again I think Bob could not understand why God would let something like this happen, even though it was man's free will that caused this situation.

About the same time, the economy was deteriorating, and Crown began several rounds of layoffs. Bob was very concerned for the future of his job for most of the summer. Luckily his job was spared, but he did end up taking a couple of pay cuts.

The night before I left for my missions trip to Mexico, we were arguing about something - I don't even remember now what it was. Now Bob has never lifted a hand toward me, or called me a name. In fact, neither one of us has ever uttered a cuss word at all! But that night he said, "Screw you, Kendra!" This flabbergasted me, and hurt me very deeply.

Later that month, our wonderful pastor, whom Bob respected very much, received a promotion, and was replaced. When he left, Bob again stopped going to church.

At the end of August, Bob called me from work and said I said should start looking for a car to replace the Concorde, because he felt his job was safe now. So I began researching different cars, and we chose some to test drive over Labor Day weekend. After several test drives, we decided we wanted to take a look at the Honda again, but the dealership had closed by then, and would not reopen the rest of the holiday weekend. So Bob told me to go down on Tuesday after school and work out the deal, and when the numbers looked good, to call him to come down and finalize everything. I felt he wanted me to do all the work as far as the negotiating went, but I am not a fighter at all. I couldn't get the salesman to haggle at all, so I came home and asked for his help. He refused, saying he was done with the process. After two weeks of trying to work something out, I met a friend at a football game who said he loved dealing with car salesman, and he agreed to go with me to help me get a good deal. So the next weekend, we went together, and he did indeed help me get the car at a good price. Since the offer was under dealer invoice, and Bob wasn't interested in the process anymore, I went ahead and purchased the car without calling him first. This set off the five weeks of silent treatment.

Finally one Friday night, I was laying in bed watching tv, when he came in and laid down with his back to me as usual. He laid there for a few minutes, then all of a sudden turned over to me and said, "five weeks is long enough." After we talked about the reason for the silent treatment (which was that I didn't call him with "the numbers" before signing the papers for the car), I tried to get him to talk to me more about why he wasn't going to church anymore. The only answer he gave me was that it didn't have anything to do with me.

I let it go for the time being. The following Friday morning, we were both getting ready for work at our double sink, and he began pushing me out of the way, playing around like a 13-year-old. I asked him to stop, explaining I didn't have much time to get ready before I had to leave to take Morgan to school. He then asked me, "Would you rather I do that or not speak to you for five weeks?" Jokingly, I put my finger up to my cheek and said, "Hmmm..." and he said, "You've just made your choice," and started the silent treatment again.

This man and our marriage are in need of some serious prayer. I am praying for the condition of his heart. His relationship with Christ is especially strained right now, and his heart is hurting because of it. I am praying for healing, understanding, and faith during this time of uncertainty for him. I am praying for his attitude toward God, himself, and his family. I am praying for a renewed respect for his wife, and for love to re-enter his heart. I am praying for a maturity in his communication skills. I am praying that he would learn a more productive way to make his thoughts and feelings known. And finally, if there is any way at all the Lord can use me to help the situation, I am praying that He will.

A Story of Hope: Fri. July 24

Tonight was a tough night.

We finally had good enough weather to bring the kids up to the campsite, and also enough time to enjoy ourselves, since I picked them up earlier in the afternoon. As soon as we got there, I sent them swimming, thinking it might be a good way to expend some energy!

I cooked campfire chili, which I thought was pretty good, but Hope wouldn't eat it at all. Finally, Morgan coerced her into taking two bites, but that was all she would do. Then we made smores. In this process, Brother #1 ended up taking a timeout in the car for not listening and making faces at me.

On the was home, Brother #1 picked on Brother #2 so much that I had to stop the car twice. When we got home, I told him I would have a talk with him and dad. I explained to dad what had happened, and Brother #1 and I discussed how I didn't have to bring him with me, but that I wanted to, but only if he behaved. He promised to behave next time. Dad didn't seem too bothered, but Morgan (who had asked to use their bathroom) said Mom was talking to him when she came out. We'll see what Monday brings.

A Story of Hope: Wed. July 22

Still camping at St. Mary's - I was again planning to bring the kids up to the campsite, but today it decided to rain - all day. I knew they would be a muddy mess, and wouldn't have any fun, so we again changed our plans. This time, I took them to see "Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs 3D". They loved it. Brother #1 was not with us tonight, and there weren't any problems, except it was kind of expensive again. But these kids are definitely worth it. They are just brimming with excitement when I pick them up and they ask where we're going tonight!

A Story of Hope: Mon. July 20

I decided to take my own kids camping at St. Mary's this week. We spent the day shopping, getting packed, getting our campsite, and unpacking. Originally, I was planning to bring all the kids up to the campsite for the evening, but after realizing it's about an hour drive from their home, I changed my plans. Instead, we decided to go bowling. We first stopped at the bowling alley near their home, but it was closed on Mondays. So I brought them back to Sidney and we bowled here. It turned out to be a little more expensive than I expected - seven people at two games each, plus shoes, pizza, and drinks, was about $75. Brother #1 had to take a timeout - the boys were full of energy! I think Morgan ended up winning both games.

Mexico Reflection

Tonight, the pastors of our church want to meet with those who went on any of the Mexico Missions trips this summer. Following are my thoughts on what they have asked us in preparation for this meeting:

What have I learned about the following words and what they mean? Simplicity, Contentment, Joy, Faith.

We, as Americans, have more "stuff" than just about any other culture, yet we never have enough. I am as guilty of this as anyone. We will never have contentment in simplicity without the joy that our faith in the Holy Spirit provides. While I may be blessed to have many nice things, I need to keep in mind that it's not the stuff that makes me happy. It's my relationship with Jesus Christ.

What internal (attitudes, thoughts, etc.) and external (habits, actions, words, etc.) things has God's spirit already prompted me to yield to Him and let Him change? i.e. How is this trip going to change me? What are the action plans toward this change?

Internally, I would like to be more open and accepting of those less fortunate than myself. Taken from the sermon today, every one of God's people deserves the same dignity I enjoy. I plan to display this externally by not engaging in gossip at school, and by opening myself up more often to serve His people, both locally (in school and around town) and abroad (future trips to TCM).

What impressions of my friends in Mexico will live with me forever?

The hurt that I saw in each woman's past, yet they still rejoice in their Savior, Jesus Christ.

How is God asking me to support TCM? (relating to #2 in life-style change upon returning)

This is still being determined, but I believe it will involve future trips to Tijuana. I may give thought to sponsoring a child. I certainly would welcome a child by adoption if God places me in that situation.

A Most Awesome Quiet Time With God

Morgan loves being a CIT (Counselor-in-Training) at Camp Union, but sometimes softball gets in the way. Such as it was tonight ... or so I thought.

A game was scheduled for tonight, so I headed over to Camp Union (an hour's drive away) to pick her up. When we got back to town, I dropped her off at the ball field. They played (and lost), and then we headed back to Camp, where I dropped her off again. I had taken Aidan with me on the way to pick her up, but this time, I was all alone for the ride home - peace and quiet! I decided to listen to the new Beth Moore book I purchased on my iPod, Jesus: 90 Days with the One and Only.

The timing of the game worked out that I was headed home during sunset. The colors of the sky were rich with oranges, yellows, pinks, purples, blues, and greens. The clouds formed a path that led directly into the sunset. The scene was absolutely stunning ... breathtaking ... majestic.

Between home and Camp lies Logan County, the highest point in Ohio. I reached this point during the climax of the sunset. As I crested the top of a hill near Ben Logan HS, I felt surrounded by the beauty of His presence. I knew that the ballgame was scheduled at the perfect time in the evening, right in the middle of Camp, for me to experience. Thank you, Heavenly Father.

A Story of Hope: Wed. July 8

Saturday, June 27th was the VBS pool party. I went down to pick up the kids, but only the boys came along. Dad also joined us, which I wasn't expecting, but it turned out well, anyway. Dad played and swam with Aidan, who got to experience having someone throw him in the water.

I began babysitting for the family on Monday the 29th. That night we went to the ball field to watch Morgan's game after eating dinner at our house.

On Wednesday, I brought the kids home, fed them dinner, and then we got the outside toys out of the garage. They had a ball!, so we did the same on Friday.

This week, my own kids are at Camp Union, so I decided to take the kids elsewhere instead of home. Monday, we got food from the Rootbeer Stand and took it across the street to the park. I tell you, those girls could swing all day if you'd let them!

Monday was also the first day I had all the kids together, as the oldest stayed with an uncle last week. The boys, especially #1, tested the boundaries of behaving. Both ended up in timeout at least once during the evening, but after being a little mad, they are already showing more respect.

Tonight, Dad said I wouldn't have to keep them as long, so we just decided to go to McDonald's Playplace. I thought it might be stiflingly hot in the play area, but it's actually quite comfortable.

While at my house last week, Hope got wet both times, so at the park, I made sure she used the bathroom before playing. Did the same again tonight. She still seldom tells me she has to go until it's too late, if at all (she didn't say anything either night at my house). She does not go independently, either.

On Friday, while we were playing outside, Hope's hairtie came loose, and she asked me to put it back in for her. As I did, I noticed tiny white things attached to some of her hair. It was my first real experience actually seeing them. Luckily, I didn't find any live ones. I very briefly checked #4 and didn't find any, but the boys would not sit still long enough for me to check them thoroughly. I told Mom about my find when I took them home, and as she checked for herself, she and Dad both commented about how Hope gets them frequently, but no one else in the family does.

I can still tell that this situation is going to be a blessing to everyone involved. It's still going to get bigger, and I don't yet know what all is in store for us, but I know that He will be with me no matter what.

I had the wonderful opportunity today to hear Molly and Jamey French speak at the YWCA about their experience, and their faith. They spoke of following 3 steps during the hard times in one's life. 1) Pray. All the time. For anything and anyone. But don't tell God what to do - ask for wisdom, strength, and guidance in your situation. 2) Accept offers of help from anyone you can. That is most likely the only thing they can do. Don't take the gift of giving away from them. It will be easier for you, and will make them happy, too. 3) Be grateful. For a sunrise. For a cool breeze on a hot day. For the things you can do, rather than those you can't. For the things you still have, rather than those you've lost. What an amazing testimony this couple is bringing to those around them. And it's going to get bigger and better, I just know it.

A Story of Hope: Thurs. June 18

Last night I sent out a mass email to everyone on my contacts list who I thought would pray for our meeting today. Of course, I received many responses, both via email and in person, saying they would definitely be praying.

We met at the specified time and place, and one of the first things Hope's mother said to me was that this was an answer to prayer on her part. She had been praying for several months for help and relief. I got chills.

She has been suffering from some health issues I did not know about, and her mother, who apparently helps her out, has broken her foot. Hope's mother also does not like the fact that grandmother smokes a considerable amount around the children. I assued her that we are a non-smoking family, and asked about other concerns, of which there were none. She said she trusted that her children were in God's hands.

They are church-members, both parents having been raised in the church, but did not have a Vacation Bible School available to them at this time. I knew I could not face Miss Eileen without having invited them to ours. They welcomed the idea, and I knew I needed to find someone to help with transportation while I'm gone. Wonderful Kathi graciously stepped in for me. God is so good!

Hope's mother noticed my bracelets and commented on them. I told her what each one was for, and showed her my prayer box bracelet. She was very touched when I told her Hope's name was on a small piece of paper inside it.

We spent an hour just chatting and getting to know each other, amazed at how God brought us together. I can already tell that I will be richly blessed by helping this family out.

A Story of Hope: Wed. June 17

Last night at Share Group, my heart was really being pulled on - back to the discomfort I had a month ago.

I decided I would try again in the morning to make a connection with Hope's family. I woke up in a great mood, still with my heart being pulled on tremendously, and prayed for His will to be done today, whether I would have an answer, or more waiting.

I received a phone call about piano lessons at 11:30, and knew at that time that I needed to get up and get moving because I wanted to visit Hope before piano lessons.

On Monday, I doubted whether or not I was to go down that day. I even struggled with whether or not I should take the kids. Today, there was no question - I knew I was going down, and I knew I was taking the kids. As we parked, Morgan asked if they should stay in the car. I even knew at that time that they were along for a reason, so they went up to the door with me.

I knocked, and a little boy on the other side yelled, "Who is it?" I answered, "Mrs. K. from {school}." When he didn't hear me, I repeated, "Mrs. K. from {school}." An excited voice on the other side said, "It's Mrs. K. from {school}!" The little boy opened the door a crack and said, "Just a minute," then closed it again. It took what seemed like a long time, but was probably only about two minutes, and several more "just a minutes" and "be right theres," and Hope's step-dad finally came out. He wanted to talk to me on the step, saying that a couple of them were sick, and he was cleaning up messes inside. I told him that was fine, and introduced him to Morgan and Aidan, then gave him Hope's jacket and the belt I had for her. Then I told him about the strong feeling that I had that there might be a need for babysitting. His answer was, "Really?" He had such a relieved look on his face, it blew me away. Morgan was even touched, as she let out an excited giggle. He went on to say that he would be starting a new job next week, and that his wife was working on her GED at night. I stressed that there would be no charge, I wasn't looking for money, just to help out, and that it had nothing to do with school - this was personal. He expressed appreciation to me for taking such an interest in his kids, that no other teacher had ever done that before, and said he would talk to his wife about it.

I fumbled around in my purse for a piece of paper to write my phone number on. I finally found a sheet I had gotten at church yesterday and tore a piece off. As I was writing my phone number, I asked if he needed help taking care of the healthy ones today. He refused, saying that he was taking the sick ones to the doctor and the others out to play.

Before leaving, I asked if I could see Hope, so he went in to get her. I heard him tell her a special visitor was here just to see her. When she opened the door, she excitedly said, "It's my teacher!" When she came out, I gave her a hug and told her how much I missed her. After a little more smalltalk, I hugged her again and told her I hoped I would see her again next week. As we left, I told her step-dad not to hesitate to call me if they needed any help.

We prayed together as a family in the car, thanking God that the connection had finally been made, and the seed was planted. I left the complex happy, but a little nervous that I didn't yet have an answer. I asked Morgan what she thought of what just happened, and we talked about how it went better and more quickly than she had expected. I told her it was probably because we weren't invited inside, but that was OK because they didn't know we were coming. She mentioned she thought I sounded a little "church-y" (he had asked me during the course of the conversation if I went to church, and which church, and said that they went to one in Troy). After some thought, I asked Morgan if I sounded too "church-y," because I didn't want to scare them off. After more thought, I decided out loud so the kids could hear - "I didn't sound too church-y at all - I asked God for the right words, and what I said is what He wanted me to say." Immediately, my phone rang. I was so excited to answer it that I fumbled around, having trouble getting it out of my purse! I was afraid I would miss the call, but I answered it just in time. It was Hope's step-dad, apologizing because my visit took him by surprise, and wanting to accept my offer. I pulled over because I knew I would not be able to concentrate on driving - the "big thing" was happening! We decided to meet tomorrow afternoon to work out the details.

As I closed my phone, I just could not hold back my tears of joy. I clenched my fists, bowed my head, and sobbed as I said, "Yes! Yes!" Of course then I had to answer Aidan, who was concerned that I was crying! Since I wasn't able to talk yet, Morgan explained to him that they were tears of happiness, and I nodded.

Morgan asked if she could call Miss Eileen, and I first said, "We'll be there this afternoon." Then I changed my mind right away and said, "Sure, go ahead and call her."

After she gave Eileen the good news, Morgan said, "I think we have the perfect song (on my iPod) to play right now." She took my iPod and put on "Good Morning" by Phil Joel: "It's a good, good, good, good, good, good morning ... 'Cause you're a good, good, good, good, good, good God!" It was 10:53 am, and He is a GREAT God!

Tonight I emailed everyone in my address book that I thought might pray for this family, asking for the details to be placed in God's hands tomorrow.

A Story of Hope: Mon. June 15

I am now wondering if God was making me wait until after the Emmaus Walk to begin His work with Hope. One of the pilgrims I met was a former drug addict, who was abused by her father, and began living on the streets at the age of 15. I suddenly had a thought while mopping the floor on Sunday - did God want to show me what could happen to Hope if I didn't follow through with this, or if I took it too lightly? So I decided to go down to Piqua today, since Hope's mom didn't call back. I had the address in my head, right down to the apartment number - "D". When I got there (praying all the way down for strength and the right words), the complex had several buildings, each with an apartment "D". I looked for clues, but found nothing that would tell me which apartment "D" was hers. I drove the parking lot twice, hoping maybe she or one of her parents would come outside, but it didn't happen. I was pulling out of the complex parking lot when I saw the mailboxes. I decided to see if the mailboxes might have names on them, so I turned around and came back - no such luck. Something inside told me to keep trying - to exhaust every option, so I drove to my school, hoping someone would be there to let me in so I could look up her address on the computer, but nobody was there. Still not wanting to give up, I drove to Mary Jo's to get the key. Her car was in the driveway, but the key was not where she normally leaves it for us to use, and she didn't answer the door. Now there was nothing else I could think of to do since I did not have my iPod with me, so I went home to look it up there. Her address on the computer was listed as apartment "5". Knowing that each building has a number and each apartment a letter, I surmised it must be "5D". So I will make another trip down, this time armed with what I hope is her complete address.

Some new points I gained from this weekend's Emmaus Walk:

* Sanctifying Grace is RIPE: Restoring, Imparting, Perfecting, and Equipping.

• God's grace restores our spiritual foundation.
• New life, new light, new strength, and a new heart are imparted upon us.
• We are being perfected in the image of God and the likeness of Jesus Christ.
• We are equipped to be the Hands and Feet of Christ in this world. The Holy Spirit equips every person for gifts of ministry, and every gift is needed for His mission.

* Being the Body of Christ means fulfilling His mission in the world.

* I am a Christian leader. This was a major realization for me.

* Clarification of His plans for me can take time. I am experiencing this right now.

* A Christian family has a huge impact on a child. Exactly why I want to involve Hope in our lives!

* He wants every last person on the earth to know Him. This is the mission of every Christian - to spread His word. (Matt. 28:19 "The Great Commission")

* How will they hear, without someone to proclaim God's word? My life is a spiritual story to others.

* Spiritual leaders are there for us. They are attentive to our needs and help us stay centered.

* I am vital to His plan. I have a specific purpose in the Body of Christ.

* God's commitment to us ♥ COVENANT ♥ Our commitment to God

* We cannot do His work alone - it must be lived out in a community, using each others' gifts of ministry.

* God is using my gifts and experiences to affect the lives of others, even when I don't realize it!

Today I realized this physical feeling of my heart wanting to jump out of my chest really feels like God is pulling it - wow, He is applying physical force to convince me to do His work - how cool!

A Story of Hope: Mon. June 8

I called Hope's mother at 6:45 last night, and reached her voicemail. I left a message, saying that I have her jacket and would like to know when I can get it to her. I planned to set up a time to drop it off, and then use that time to propose my offer.

I had planned to bring the kids camping with Dad at Mohican State Park these next three days. This was the first event that was to keep me from caring for Hope. I wondered the whole weekend if I should be going or not.

But there was no response, no return phone call from Hope's mom, so I decided to go ahead with the trip. We left after Morgan's softball game. Before we even reached Port Jefferson, we had a close call. I was watching a goose in a small field near the side of the road. When I looked back at the road, all of a sudden there was a whole family of geese crossing the road! I had to stop pretty quickly, thinking I was probably going to hit them. Luckily I didn't.

Later, as we were driving through Prospect, two things occurred at once. The kids were watching a movie on the laptop, with the sound plugged into the aux. jack so it would play through the car speakers. All of a sudden (it has never happened before!), the car switched from playing the movie sound to playing the local Christian radio station we had been listening to before the movie! Morgan said, "What happened?" and I told her I didn't think I touched it. But I switched it back. After a few seconds, it switched by itself again! I switched it back. This happened several more times, each one more quickly than the previous, until I finally decided I was supposed to hear something coming up. At the same time this radio thing was happening, I also began hearing one of the straps of the bike rack flapping around, and felt the need to check that the bikes were secure. When I pulled over, sure enough, one of the bikes' straps had come loose. I fixed it, and got back in the car. It was at this time that I decided to leave the radio on, and Aidan got out headphones so he could finish watching the movie.

A few minutes down the road, the song "God of This City" came on - "Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done here." Immediately after I realized this was the song I was to hear, I prayed to the Lord, telling Him that if needed, I would leave the campground immediately, if she would just call. I said it over and over several times. Again, a few minutes later, another song came on, which I knew was just for me - "Here I am, Lord send me." Wow! At this point, my heart was feeling very large again!

A Story of Hope: Sun. June 7

I thought about Hope all week. But Lord, how can I make this offer? I am going on a family camping trip on Monday, coming home on Wednesday, beginning the Emmaus Walk on Thursday, returning Sunday, and leaving for Mexico the following Friday for almost a week. How can I offer to care for this child, and then tell her I'll be gone so much? Not to mention the fact that I am scared to death to make "blind" phone calls to people I don't know very well.

Yesterday was our final Emmaus team meeting before the Walk. Lori told a story during chapel devotions about a little 5-year-old girl whose parents did not know anyone and did not go to church. Her neighbor came to offer to take her to Sunday School one morning, and after a while reached her parents, too. The neighbor was a Sunday School Teacher as well as the Superintendant, and the little girl who was lead to Jesus by this wonderful lady was Lori. I couldn't help but think of Hope in place of the little girl in this story, and myself as the teacher.

After devotions, we continued with the meeting. Melissa previewed her talk today on the "Body of Christ." Some of the notes I took today include:

* Clarification may come only after the work/journey has begun.

* A Work of Heart (a book title)

* Action will come when people of all colors work together.

* Stay at the Lord's table to be a part of the healing love. Don't leave when things get bad (Jesus didn't leave the Last Supper when doubted).

* Romans 12:3-8

• ³For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. ⁴Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, ⁵so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. ⁶We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his^a]">[a]faith. ⁷If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; ⁸if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.

* God is using your gifts and experiences to affect others' lives.

* Matthew 28:19

• ¹⁹Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in^a]">[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,

* Live in relationship to each other, modelling our relationship to Him.

* Saying yes when all logic says no.

* Matthew 25:40 - Whatever you did to the least of these, you did to me.

* Share with spiritual leaders at your church.

After taking these notes, as Melissa was finishing up, I put stars next to four of the ones I could see He was telling me to specifically pay attention to: 1) God is using your gifts and experiences to affect others' lives; 2) Live in relationship to each other, modelling our relationship to Him; 3) Say yes when all logic says no; and 4) Share with your spiritual leaders in church.

1) God is using your gifts and experiences to affect others' lives. Pretty obvious - I am already a trusted adult to Hope, and hopefully also to her parents. I have experience and gifts in loving children, and I have good support to back me up, which I will speak more of in a little bit.

2) Live in relationship to each other, modelling our relationship to Him. The only way I can be a model to this family is to become a part of their daily lives, and to make them a part of mine. And I need to pray for Hope and her family. As well as with them, hopefully.

3) Say yes when all logic says no, and 4) Share with your spiritual leaders. This one was huge for me, then became absolutely immense. First of all, I put off all week calling because "logic" said "don't offer to provide care, and then bail on them," since I will not be available much of the next three weeks. But when I heard to say yes anyway and talk to my spiritual leader about it, I just had to follow through (besides, at lunchtime, just after Melissa's talk, my heart began to be pulled out of my chest again!). Enter one of the most respected friends of my life - "Miss Eileen." She had to leave our Emmaus meeting early for a family function, but I asked her if we could meet after she got back. She said she would call on her way home. It turned out that they returned late at night, too late to call, so we met on Sunday after church. I told her all about this precious little girl, the background issues we could be getting involved with, and my trepidations about my schedule. Her immediate response was with suggestions for help during these times - herself, the girls, and another good friend to begin with. She said, "We're doing this." Obviously, He was whacking me with a 2x4 this weekend, telling me what I needed to do!

I went home, and hopped on the computer to continue looking up stuff for school next year, which is an enjoyable pastime for me. But this time, I couldn't concentrate. And to top if off, Aidan turned on the TV. I decided I needed to go somewhere quiet to journal, so I drove to McDonald's for a drink first (we were out of pop at home). During the drive, He helped me realize something that had transpired during the school year to which I was oblivious at the time. A concerning issue was absent during the time when the family's truck was broken down and one parent was living with a grandparent (I don't know if Hope was with this parent or with the one still at home at the time). How could I have missed that?

I brought my drink home and pulled out my journal. As I started writing about Melissa's talk, I got out my notes. Checking through them, I now realized that every note I wrote down applied to this situation!

5) Clarification may come only after the work or journey has begun. I really don't know what is to come of this relationship, and won't until I am involved with this family. I only know that He will clarify this for me at the right time.

6) A Work of Heart. This was the name of a book Melissa mentioned, which I will read. But I can already tell this journey, this relationship, is definitely going to be a work of heart!

7) Action will come when people of all colors work together. At first I thought, "I really don't know any people of color (skin-wise) who would be involved, but OK, Lord." Now I realize that He does not mean skin-color, but people at different places in their spiritual walk. This journey has already touched myself (somewhere near the middle of my walk), and Miss Eileen (much further than I in her walk), and could potentially touch many just starting out on their own walk.

8) Stay at the table to be a part of His healing love - don't leave when things get bad. And they will get bad. But the healing and love and growth in the end will be worth it all.

9) Romans 12:3-8, Matthew 28:19. Each of us involved is here for a reason - to offer our individual spiritual gifts to perpetuate His mission for us and this precious little girl.

Heavenly Father, I do not have the words to begin this conversation with this family, but You do. I know that You will be with me during this visit, and that You will provide the words for me. I love that You will be with me in the face of rejection, as well as in the face of love. Please envelope little Hope, her family, and myself as we journey together. In Your Holy Name, Amen.

A Story of Hope: Sun. May 31

Friday was the last day of school. I said goodbye to each of my students with a hug. After dismissal, I came back to the room and began putting things away for the summer. When I opened "Hope's " (not her real name) locker, I found she had left her jacket. She was the only student who left anything in my classroom that day. As I finished up entering gradecard information and came to my comments, I began to tear up thinking of Hope and one of my other very precious students, and what might happen to them in the future. The thought of the possibilities both warmed my heart and tore it up at the same time. I pray they will each receive the love and care that they so desperately need.

Today we held our next-to-last Emmaus team meeting. During our chapel devotions, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I needed to offer to help Hope's family by babysitting this summer. I really don't know why this was laid upon my heart, but I just knew somehow it was what I was supposed to do.

A Story of Hope: Sat. May 9

I'm going to attempt to start from what seems to be the beginning of this story.

Saturday (May 2nd), Eileen previewed her talk at the Emmaus team meeting. Notes from her talk:

* Grace = God's active love toward us. Our response to Grace involves both love and action.

* Sanctifying grace is the process of opening ourselves to the work of the Holy Spirit in and through us. It is divine energy transforming our heart and life.

* God has more love, more power, more peace, and more joy in store for us.

* We respond by full participation in the mission of Christ in the world.


Following the church's Children's Musical on Sunday, many of our friends met at Culver's for ice cream. We had a good time chatting when suddenly I felt like my heart was going to explode out of my chest. But I wasn't scared - in fact, I was filled with joy, even though I had no idea why. I only had this overwhelming feeling that something big was going to happen soon. This physical feeling of my heart being too big for my chest continued for several days. I began to think something might be physically wrong with me, and that might be the "big thing," Just as those thoughts came along, though, the physical feeling began to subside, and I figured I'd be fine. I still didn't know what the "big thing" was.

Everyone Hits, Everyone Runs, Everone Scores

It was the last inning of the game, and the team was behind by 6 points. Since it was the first game of the year, the girls were not yet well-practiced, and were a bit timid at swinging at the ball. As the inning began, the coach's peptalk came: "Everyone hits, everyone runs, everyone scores."

I began to think about how this applies to my faith. When I invited Jesus into my life, I made a hit. Standing at home plate (which for me was the Green Cathedral at Tar Hollow), I started the journey that would score me a win in the end.

My newfound faith carried me to first base, where I was cheered on by my new church friends and respected leaders. I purchased a Student Bible at the beginning of my college freshman year, and began reading it every once in a while (I admit I wasn't, and still am not, a daily Bible reader, but I'm working on it!)

As I grew in my faith, I found my new running legs which lead me to second base. There I found strength and support in my family (my family attended church when I was little, but stopped going after my parents' divorce).

With the help of my family, including my husband, I rounded second and began the Journey toward third, where I found I had wonderful, faith-filled friends waiting to bless me with women's Bible studies, the Journey class, and my Emmaus Walk.

In this final leg of the Journey, I pray that I will sprout wings that will fly me to my final home base in Heaven, where Jesus will welcome me with open arms when my work here on earth is done.

Who would have thought this shy little girl would grow up to be a hitter, runner, and scorer for Jesus? It's all because of the God who chose me, loves me, and died for me. Amen.

Without God ...

Without God, our week would be Sinday, Mournday, Tearsday, Wasteday, Thirstday, Fightday, and Shatterday.

An addition to the weekend's events

How could I forget to mention a very important part of my fabulous weekend? I am currently a member of the Creative Team at Digital Scrapbook Artisan Guild (they give me their page kits free in return for me "advertising" them by scrapping with them and posting them to several online galleries). As part of the Creative Team, I have duties, which until now, have simply consisted of creating and posting at least four layouts per month with the products I am given, and participating in chats and "challenges" (participants are given a "prompt" or subject to scrap). However, this month I have also been asked to sponsor a challenge - guess what topic that challenge is on? ... Faithbooking! I know I will be amazed at the words He will give me to continue the Faithbook I started a few years ago. I have never had a story to tell without pictures that go along with it - I can't wait to see how He works through me! I also can't wait to see the pages others will do that will bless and inspire me.

Give Him the Name Jesus

Luke 1:26-33

The Birth of Jesus Foretold

²⁶In the sixth month, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, ²⁷to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin's name was Mary. ²⁸The angel went to her and said, "Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you."

²⁹Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. ³⁰But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. ³¹You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. ³²He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, ³³and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end."

Other words that come to mind when I hear the name Jesus include Father, Brother, Savior, perfect, Holy, pure, true. I am in a state of excitement, waiting and watching for the changes He is making in me at this very moment. I've never felt this excitement manifest itself physcially before - my heart literally feels like it is going to explode out of my chest. It's a little uncomfortable, and Satan in sneaking in, trying to plant seeds of fear in me that it might really be a physical ailment. But I really think that God has kept this going for almost 24 hours now, because every time I think about it, I think about Him. It's a constant reminder that He is with me, right here, right now. It's almost as if He's pinching my heart to keep me awake to Him!

I would have been literally awestruck to have received the news given to Mary. I can't even imagine the feelings of fear, excitement, joy, and love she must have felt at that time.

Heavenly Father, I can't imagine that you would include someone such as me in Your plans and Your perfect will. I can only wait and watch in wonder as Your will for me unfolds. I ask You to open my mind and heart to Your movement in me. Banish my fears, and continue this feeling of excitement You have given me these last few days, as You mold my heart and my earthly life to reflect Your love for each and every one of us.

Change is Happening

For a couple of years now, I've felt that God has big plans in store for me, that He's moving in me. But up until now, He had me in a time of latency. I knew He was working, but I had no motivation to study His Word, and I have not been consistent with prayer. I've been going through the motions, but my heart hasn't been in it.

But the fire has now been lit.

This weekend, I just have had the most awesome feeling of joy. I can't explain it at all, especially in light of what happened Friday afternoon concerning a student and his parent. Maybe that situation was a part of it, though.

I almost left work in tears, when I felt I wasn't receiving any support from my administration. It bothered me considerably. But I prayed in the car on the way home, and made a conscious effort to let go and give it to God, and keep my mind elsewhere for the rest of the evening. Of course, my mind kept wandering back, but each time, I found something to occupy myself. When I woke up Saturday morning, I felt a little better, but still flashed back as I was getting ready for the Emmaus meeting. Again, I told myself to let go. And I went to my Emmaus meeting.

Teresa W. gave the devotional, about onions (more on it if she emails it to me). It touched me so much - God was speaking directly to me about letting go of my fear and anger about the situation and the future He has for me! I absolutely felt the presence of the Holy Spirit there in the chapel, stronger than I've ever felt before. When Barbara unveiled the bread, she showed us the wrinkles in the bread, which were delicately and lovingly shaped in the form of a cross, through no purpose of the earthly breadmaker. It was truly gorgeous. And when she broke the bread, it broke right along the cross, just as Jesus' body was broken for us.

Amazing.

As I partook of the bread dipped in "blood," it seemed to expand to fill my whole mouth. I was moved to tears. I'd never had this happen to me before.

We left chapel, and His presence followed us down to New Fellowship Hall, where I was offered the amazing opportunity to grow closer to Eileen through her talk. I am brought to tears when I think of the amazing women the Lord has put in my life, to support me and to guide me. I have women like this in my home life, my church life, and even my work life.

I am so blessed.

The feeling of the Holy Spirit coming over me carried over to this morning. Being the first Sunday of the month, it was communion Sunday. Any other Sunday, I would have just taken the bread and walked back to my seat to watch everyone else taking communion. Today, even before I went down to receive the elements, I knew I needed to spend some time at the altar. Today, my self-consciousness, which usually tells me things like "people will be wondering what you did that you need to confess," was gone. I went directly to the kneeling rail, and asked the Lord to open my heart to the things I know He has in store for me. To quell my fears about what's on the horizon. To allow me to recognize the changes He is making in me. As I prayed, I again was deeply aware of the bread I held in my mouth. The more I moved it around in my mouth, the more I felt filled with the Holy Spirit. I'd like to say that Satan was nowhere near at that point, but He was still at work, trying to sneak in the self-conscious card. But it wasn't working! And then, my truly beautiful daughter knelt down beside me. Did I mention the wonderful ladies (and young women!) He has put in my life?! I continued to pray along with the awesome music (thank you, Mr. Gutman!), finished with a wonderful feeling, and went back to my seat with Morgan by my side.

After church, the kids in the Children's Musical, along with their families, were invited to the "Cast Party", held at Tawawa Park. It was a wonderful time spent with wonderful parents of wonderful children.

Even the weather was wonderful.

After stopping at the grocery, I


I will continue the above story in just a minute. I need to tell what just happened. I was sitting in Aidan's room as he drifted off to sleep, as I do fairly often. My laptop warned me that I had only a few minutes of battery left, so I left to go plug the computer back in. I set it down on my "desk" and went to the bathroom. When I came back, I sat down and started typing again, forgetting to actually plug it in. In the middle of the above sentence, it died. Now, I thought that this post (or at least most of it) would be ok because it is set to autosave. But every single other time it has died, I've lost everything I had open in Firefox - all tabs, everything, so I expected that I would have to re-open Firefox, and login to Blogger again, etc. As I was waiting for the laptop to boot up, God sent the words "You're never alone, Jesus is with you; Don't be afraid, Jesus is with you." in the music I was listening to. And what do you think I saw when my computer finished booting? Firefox was open with everything intact, and there's my post, exactly as I left it! I didn't lose ANYTHING! The tears are not just sneaking out now, they're flowing!

And back to my original story ...

After stopping at the grocery, I came home and put everything away, then sat down at the computer (what's new?). I decided I wanted to look for some of the music that was played at the meeting yesterday, specifically the song that Teresa played at the end of her devotion - "Bloom Where You Are Planted," by Rodican Rose. I found it with ease, and before I purchased the single, I thought I'd listen to the samples of the other songs on the same album. I was blown away by each and every one - I knew I needed the whole album, so I went ahead and purchased it (I don't purchase much through iTunes, so you know it's pretty special when I have to buy the whole album!). Am I ever glad I did! This music will be with me for a long time.

I took my iPod with me as I took the kids to church early for the musical. I wanted to use the time between when they had to be there and when the musical started as a quiet time. Well, Missie and her mom were already there, and I didn't want to be anti-social, so I sat in the pew behind them. We talked for a little while, but when a lull came, I took the chance to delve into some quiet time with Him. I turned on my iPod to this new album ("Listen to the Quiet"), and closed my eyes and bowed my head. With all of the parents and grandparents trickling in, my self-conscious still never got the best of me. Oh, Satan still distracted me here and there, but my time with God won out. I had the most awesome 45 minutes of quiet listening to Him, right there in the middle of the noisy conversation of the other parents, and I didn't care if anyone was looking at me, sitting there with my eyes closed, head bowed, and earphone cord hanging down!

This is huge for me.

The musical started, and I was surprised by my lovely young lady. She didn't tell me she had a substantial part in the play, including a solo (I thought she was just helping out with the little ones, as she usually does)! She sang a beautiful song, and I got lots of gorgeous pictures, made even better because she and Aidan stood right next to each other throughout the play! She told me afterwards that I always know what she's going to sing or play for every concert because she has to practice at home. She wanted to surprise me this time, so she practiced every day before I got home from work. I just love her!

And to top it all off, several of the families involved in the play (including the wonderful Eileen and Kathi) went to Culver's for dinner/dessert afterwards. It was a wonderful way to finish off a wonderful day - with those I love!

Well, I thought the day was finished, until the computer thing!

I still have butterflies of excitement in my stomach. I wonder if I'll be able to get to sleep tonight ...

Huh?

After being interviewed by the school administration, the prospective teacher said, "Let me see if I've got this right. You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning. You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride. You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job. You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the final exams. You also want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents in English, Spanish or any other language, by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card. You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps. You want me to do all this and then you tell me. . I CAN'T PRAY?
- received in an email

Consider this –"If a doctor, lawyer, or dentist had 40 people in his office at one time, all of whom had different needs, and some of whom didn't want to be there and were causing trouble, and the doctor, lawyer, or dentist, without assistance, had to treat them all with professional excellence for nine months, then he might have some conception of the classroom teacher's job."
- Donald Quinn

Git 'er done

"Lord, help me do what you sent me here to do so I can go home." (Yvette's grandma, upon entering the hospital)

A thump on the head

Went to Share Group last night. I haven't been getting much out of our meetings the last few times, so I opened my heart this time. It was a good one. My eyes were opened to those I can learn from, where they were closed and non-receptive before.

We are studying Phillippians, and last night's talk was about chapter 2, verses 12-18. Paul is asking us to be "LightBearers" in a world of darkness. I immediately thought of our lunchroom conversation today about how the times for kindergarten registration got changed without letting us know, and that this happens EVERY time (Family Literacy Night!). Yeah, I did some complaining. I did lots of complaining.

Phil. 2:14-16: Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain.

Oops. Then I mentioned that, even though I was complaining, I KNEW I shouldn't be, but I didn't know HOW to interject His light into the conversation. And Deb said something that should have been totally obvious to me: why don't I stop in the middle of the conversation and ask God for the right words? Let HIM be in control of my mouth - that's where I went wrong. I am not relinquishing control of my words and actions.

My Women of Faith Bible has a quote from Patsy Clairmont which should be my mantra: "Whiners neither enjoy nor give joy. But grace-filled people are reputable, sought-after, and deeply loved."

I got a thumbs up for my cooking tonight!

Yeah, it's never happened before. Oh sure, there have been comments like, "it's pretty good," and "you can fix it again, but I would (change/add/leave out) ... ". But I don't remember ever receiving, in sixteen years of marriage, a thumbs up for my cooking.

It was pretty simple. Looking through the almost-empty refrigerator (since I haven't been to the grocery for over a week), I had to throw something together with what I could scrounge. I thought of my 5-ingredient cookbook, and remembered a recipe I've made before, that we like (read: everyone will eat and not make faces at). It is sliced kielbasa cooked in apple juice, apple jelly, and maple syrup. Hmm ... no kielbasa, but we do have a package of mettwurst. No apple juice, but we have applesauce. No apple jelly, but there is apple butter. I do have syrup! So I made the necessary substitutions with some reservation (remembering the horrid pea soup incident of a week ago ... ). My concoction garnered a thumbs up from Bob, and the kids gobbled every last bit. So the "corrections" will be noted in the cookbook, and this recipe will be placed on the iPod menu list for future quick meals.

Intruiguing thought for the day

Here's the question posed to me tonight by my wonderful, awesome, God-loving son: "Do you think God loves the Devil?" Boy, he sure can come up with some doozies!

My answer: Hmm, I don't know for sure. And then he comes up with this: "I think he does, because it says in the Bible to love your neighbor." How can you argue with that?

Going on a Treasure Hunt

"The fundamental ministry God would have all of us exercise as short-term visitors and servants in another culture is the ministry of affirmation. God is inviting us on a treasure hunt. Our privilege is to be so led by the Spirit of God that we can find treasures in this new context that had been hidden from our eyes previously. Not only were they hidden from us because we've never been there before (and even if we have), they may even have been hidden from the eyes of the people who live there. Thus, God invites us to lift up before others' eyes the way He is at work among and through them, and all the strengths and gifts they are bringing to their own community. We don't go to bring treasures. Nor do we go to take them home. Rather, we help discover treasures that are present among the people with whom we serve, and together with them we praise God for His great kindness."

1 Corinthians 2:1-5
When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power.

Paul sought to discover the power of the Holy Spirit and bring it to the people with whom he worked. In our situation, I believe this passage relates directly. We should not come to Mexico as superior and holier-than-thou Americans, but as humble servants of the Lord. We bring our own naievte in regards to the sex trade, and show our trust in His wonderful powers to heal and bring freedom. Paul felt his own abilities and attitudes were inferior and unworthy. But he knew he was a vessel of the Power of God. I do not know why I am being sent on this trip, but I know that He will use me in a way that only I can fill, and I pray that His Holy Power will be glorified through me. I hope to learn from and build wonderful relationships with the people I meet on this trip.

Part I - The God of Mission

Part I of my Mexico Missions Trip Study begins with "It is God's World and God's Mission." How true! I hope to discover more about God, myself, God's people, and my place in God's mission.

"To engage in missions is to participate in the coming of the kingdom of God." We are instructed to write Matthew 6:33. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. (NKJV). (Incidentally, this was one of my favorite hymns from Tar Hollow). I am seeking the kingdom of God by making the decision to participate in this (His) mission.

We are instructed to define the kingdom of God. I believe living in His amazing and perfect grace, seeing that my words and actions glorify Him at all times, constitutes the kingdom of God. What does it mean to seek His kingdom? To me, it means to put my faith in Him at all times, rather than in my own abilities. Any talents I have were given to me by Him - anything I do well, I do well because of Him, not me.

"Jesus is very precise about where we are to serve." We are instructed to write Acts 1:1-9. The former account I made, O Theophilus, of all that Jesus began both to do and teach, until the day in which He was taken up, after He through the Holy Spirit had given commandments to the apostles whom He had chosen, to whom He also presented Himself alive after His suffering by many infallible proofs, being seen by them during forty days and speaking of the things pertaining to the kingdom of God. And being assembled together with them, He commanded them not to depart from Jerusalem, but to wait for the Promise of the Father, “which,” He said, “you have heard from Me; for John truly baptized with water, but you shall be baptized with the Holy Spirit not many days from now.” Therefore, when they had come together, they asked Him, saying, “Lord, will You at this time restore the kingdom to Israel?” And He said to them, “It is not for you to know times or seasons which the Father has put in His own authority. But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be witnesses to Me in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.” Now when He had spoken these things, while they watched, He was taken up, and a cloud received Him out of their sight. "We are called and empowered by the Spirit to be witnesses in our community (Jerusalem), our country (Judea), among people of differing cultural backgrounds who live around us (Samaria), and to the ends of the earth." What are the four spheres (areas) of witness that Jesus describes as it relates to where I live? My community equates to my family. These are the people I am with on a daily basis - who have the same beliefs that I do. My country equates to my friends. These are the people I choosed to be around. Those around me who have differing backgrounds equates to my coworkers - those I have been placed with to achieve a common outcome. Finally, the non-Christian community represents the "ends of the earth." These latter two (coworkers and non-Christians, often one and the same) are the hardest spheres in which for me to live as a witness. I dread conflict, so when anyone debates my personal beliefs, I instinctively shy away. On the other hand, it is easiest for me to live as a witness around my family and friends. I know I have the responsibility to teach my children to know, love, and serve God, and my friends have the same set of beliefs as I. "What does Jesus say is needed before we can be witnesses?" He says we will have the Power of the Holy Spirit.

Pray- "that God would use you as a witness on this trip."

Heavenly Father, I do not yet know why you have lit a fire in my heart to be a part of this trip. But I do know that you have a plan for me, to use my unique talents, and that your reasoning will be evident in Your time. I ask You to use me in whatever way glorifies You best. I ask You to use me to teach Your people about Your amazing, wonderful grace. For I know that in doing so, I will be able to bask in the warmth of Your holy kingdom. Amen.

Joshua 3

Joshua 3

Israel Crosses the Jordan

¹ Then Joshua rose early in the morning; and they set out from Acacia Grove^a]">[a] and came to the Jordan, he and all the children of Israel, and lodged there before they crossed over. ² So it was, after three days, that the officers went through the camp; ³ and they commanded the people, saying, “When you see the ark of the covenant of the LORD your God, and the priests, the Levites, bearing it, then you shall set out from your place and go after it. ⁴ Yet there shall be a space between you and it, about two thousand cubits by measure. Do not come near it, that you may know the way by which you must go, for you have not passed this way before.”
⁵ And Joshua said to the people, “Sanctify yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do wonders among you.” ⁶ Then Joshua spoke to the priests, saying, “Take up the ark of the covenant and cross over before the people.”
So they took up the ark of the covenant and went before the people.
⁷ And the LORD said to Joshua, “This day I will begin to exalt you in the sight of all Israel, that they may know that, as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. ⁸ You shall command the priests who bear the ark of the covenant, saying, ‘When you have come to the edge of the water of the Jordan, you shall stand in the Jordan.’”
⁹ So Joshua said to the children of Israel, “Come here, and hear the words of the LORD your God.” ¹⁰ And Joshua said, “By this you shall know that the living God is among you, and that He will without fail drive out from before you the Canaanites and the Hittites and the Hivites and the Perizzites and the Girgashites and the Amorites and the Jebusites: ¹¹ Behold, the ark of the covenant of the Lord of all the earth is crossing over before you into the Jordan. ¹² Now therefore, take for yourselves twelve men from the tribes of Israel, one man from every tribe. ¹³ And it shall come to pass, as soon as the soles of the feet of the priests who bear the ark of the LORD, the Lord of all the earth, shall rest in the waters of the Jordan, that the waters of the Jordan shall be cut off, the waters that come down from upstream, and they shall stand as a heap.”
¹⁴ So it was, when the people set out from their camp to cross over the Jordan, with the priests bearing the ark of the covenant before the people, ¹⁵ and as those who bore the ark came to the Jordan, and the feet of the priests who bore the ark dipped in the edge of the water (for the Jordan overflows all its banks during the whole time of harvest), ¹⁶ that the waters which came down from upstream stood still, and rose in a heap very far away at Adam, the city that is beside Zaretan. So the waters that went down into the Sea of the Arabah, the Salt Sea, failed, and were cut off; and the people crossed over opposite Jericho. ¹⁷ Then the priests who bore the ark of the covenant of the LORD stood firm on dry ground in the midst of the Jordan; and all Israel crossed over on dry ground, until all the people had crossed completely over the Jordan.

This is the passage that was read at the opening of our first meeting of the 2009 Mexico Team. Crossing the river involved a huge step of faith, considering the river continued to flow until they put their feet in. This trip will be my very first missions trip, and given the level of violence going on there right now, it is good to know that God has His mighty hand over the whole thing. I have been in a slump with regard to my Christian Walk lately - well, for probably at least a year. It's time to get myself out, and I think this wonderful group of women will inspire me to do it.

Ugh.

I'm sitting here in the middle of a living room full of laundry, both clean and dirty, there is a sink full of dishes to be loaded into the dishwasher, Tasha peed on the laundry room floor, and I could make about 3 more dogs with the doghair on all the floors. And I have no energy to tackle any of it. Bleh.

Eva Mae Cullen 1949-2008

Saturday. August 16, 2008 -Eva's 59th birthday.

Just as planned, I drove to Laurelville to pick Morgan up at Tar Hollow. As we left, I noticed several pink irises encircling our mailbox - they had to have come out of nowhere, because
they weren't there before! But they were so beautiful, I just had to pick them and bring them to Eva.

We stopped for lunch at Hardee's in Circleville, as is the tradition, then drove to Marion. My plan was to go straight up 23 to Columbus, then around on 270, and back to 23. Well, being the usually inept driver that I am, I missed the on-ramp to 270 (didn't see it at all), so I ended up taking 23 all the way through downtown Columbus. This took at least half an hour longer than I intended. Consequently, we arrived at Dad's at 3:00.

As we came in and settled down, it seemed to me that Eva was asleep, as she was making snoring noises. Mandie asked if I was going to say hello to her, and I replied that I thought she was sleeping. The conversation proceeded to how I was doing after my surgery, and I assured them I was fine. Just then, she started making choking noises (she had thrown up earlier in the day). Mandie and Dad rushed to her side, Heidi was feeding Janelle in the bedroom, someone made Aidan go out on the front porch, and Morgan and I stood there not knowing what to do to help. In just a matter of minutes, she was gone. We called Hospice, and had trouble getting hold of anyone. Eventually, we finally got the nurse on call (who was not the nurse we had spoken to originally), and he came to clean her up and help remove the body. While this was all happening, I was comforting Morgan in the kitchen. I soon wondered where Aidan was, so I went looking for him. When I found him on the front porch, I could tell he didn't understand why he was forced outside, so we sat and talked.

That evening, being Eva's birthday, we stood around the dining room table and sang the saddest rendition of "Happy Birthday" you ever heard in your life.

That night, I had trouble sleeping, and was up before dawn. As I lay on the couch, I looked out the front window, and saw a star, brighter than any 'I'd ever seen before, rise just before the sun. I knew at that point that everything and everyone would be fine.

The next week is somewhat of a blur, but we attended Open House for both kids, school started (I missed the first three days of school, but this being my first year teaching the all-day class, I had no students yet, so it wasn't a problem). The kids attended school on Wednesday and Thursday, and Mom & Charlie brought them to the viewing on Thursday night. The funeral was held on Friday. and she was buried at East Liberty. The funeral procession was interesting, being at least 16 cars long and a 45 minute drive. Following the burial, Dad's cousins arranged a dinner at the church in East Liberty. It was nice to have all the family together, though we prefer better circumstances.

It has taken me 6 months to write this because I just wasn't ready to relive the moments of that Saturday. But as I wrote, I realized I was already beginning to forget some of the details of the day. I'm glad to finally have everything recorded.